The bereaved often feel isolated in their suffering and need the extended support of friends and community to carry them forward. It may feel awkward to connect with a person for fear of doing or saying the wrong thing.
Say Something
Offering a sincere expression of sorrow is often the best way to convey your feelings and let people know they are not alone. Acknowledge the loss. Simply saying "I'm sorry, you have my prayers" is more tender than unhealthy statements like "They are in a better place".
Listen
Holding space for people to talk or not talk can be a relief. You do not need to "solve" their crisis or "fix" their feelings. This is their time, their process, their loss. Respect their story and listen unconditionally, encourage them to reach out for grief counseling.
Be Consistent
Arrange a time to visit that is convenient and easy for them, then be consistent. It could be as simple as delivering food (or ice cream) or staying to keep them company. A bereaved person should not feel the need to entertain anyone or have unannounced visitors arriving unexpectedly.
Keepsakes
Commemorate the life of their loved one. While their loved one may be physically gone from a person's life, they are still very present and "with them" every day. Consider helping them create an ornament, planting a tree, or framing a meaningful letter or piece of artwork in memory of them.
Holiday Celebrations / Birthdays
Celebrating birthdays is one way to honor the lives of those we have lost. Draw people together to remember the loved one's legacy and their influence on others. Working with people to incorporate new traditions that include their loved one in a meaningful way during the holiday season can reinforce that while these individuals may be gone, they are not forgotten. The fall, from Thanksgiving to New Year's Day, tends to be a universally difficult time of year for people.
Anniversary of Death
Becoming isolated, heavy hearted or just physically not feeling well are common reactions near the anniversary of the death date. These days tend to be especially difficult for people for many years. Looking for opportunities to help people honor their loved ones in their own, often very personal, and private way is best. It is not uncommon during these anniversaries for bereaved people to write heartfelt remembrance letter, or simply experience nature.
Chores
Many regular household chores become overwhelming. Help people by offering light cleaning, mowing their grass, or taking on other routine tasks that have piled up for them.
All the Family
Depending on who has died in a family, it is common for supporters to show great concern for only one individual. It is important to acknowledge and care for all family members – especially young children who require a great deal of immediate attention and energy – which can be challenging for grieving adults. Consider taking the young children to a park or other energy-intensive outing, or simply invite them over to make cookies or an art project. Recognize that many family members tend to suffer in silence to protect others.
Remember
Losing a loved one is forever. People will carry their memories every day for the rest of their lives. Many people look for opportunities to talk about their loved one in a safe and supportive environment. Using their loved one's name and not being afraid to enter a discussion about them may be a welcome conversation. Openly wondering what might have been, what path their life could have taken, and how their life could have positively influenced our world or society, are all ways to acknowledge and remember what we have all lost.
Modified from Evermore