"There are no words to describe the loss of a sibling. If you lose a spouse, you are a widow or widower. If you lose your parents, you are an orphan. But if you lose a sibling, you become a girl whose brother died."
- K. Braswell
If you are a parent, please remember to be kind to yourself through this unimaginable journey. Here are some ways parents, friends, and family members can help a bereaved sibling.
Every sibling has their story, listen attentively when they are ready to share it with you. It can be hard at times, but acknowledging their loss can go a long way. Validating their grief can help your surviving child(ren) recognize that their feelings are okay. They may want to honor the legacy of their deceased brother or sister. You can help a sibling make a scrapbook and/or video of memories, plant a flower, share remembrance ideas or create a poem dedicated to their loved one. If you think the sibling would be interested, give them an opportunity to help or engage in the funeral, celebration of life or yearly rituals. Another way you can help is to intentionally make special time for the sibling. They may feel distanced from their parents who are so actively grieving and doing things together can be reassuring.
Remember that grief changes overtime. From heartbreak to hope, grief is something we will grow from throughout our lives. Just remember, you are never alone.
If you are a sibling, we recognize that siblings can have complicated relationships, conflicting feelings, and shared experiences. All things certain in your family change with a death of a sibling. Survivor's guilt may arise, as well as regrets or remorse over the past relationship. Missing your brother or sister intensely can be what you feel the most.
There are many resources for bereaved siblings that you may find helpful at this time or in future months or years. The following quotes written by bereaved siblings may provide some comfort to you, as it speaks to what many people who have also experienced the loss of a brother or sister feel. The following quotes written by bereaved siblings speak to the emotions of what many people who have also experienced loss go through.
Siblings Walk Together
We are the surviving siblings of The Compassionate Friends. We are brought together by the deaths of our brothers and sisters. Open your hearts to us but have patience with us. Sometimes we will need the support of our friends. At other times we need our families to be there. Sometimes we must walk alone, taking our memories with us, continuing to become the individuals we want to be. We cannot be our dead brother or sister; however, a special part of them lives on with us. When our brothers and sisters died, our lives changed. We are living a life very different from what we envisioned, and we feel the responsibility to be strong even when we feel weak. Yet we can go on because we understand better than many others the value of family and the precious gift of life. Our goal is not to be the forgotten mourners that we sometimes are, but to walk together to face our tomorrows as surviving siblings of The Compassionate Friends.
Books for Bereaved Siblings
Feelings
- A Little Spot of Feelings Series by Diane Alber
- Ruby Finds a Worry by Tom Percival
- The Color Monster by Anna Llenas
- The Way I Feel by Janan Cain
Separation
- A Suitcase Surprise for Mommy by Cat Cora
- Don't Forget to Come Back by Robie H. Harris
- My Day, Your Day by Robin Ballard
- The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn
Sibling-Centric
- Cuando Tu Hermano o Hermana Tiene Cancer by Fundación Natali Dafne Flexer
- Cancer Infantil (Diagnostico y Tratamiento) by Fundación Natali Dafne Flexer
- Daniel and His Starry Night Blanket by Sally Loughridge
- Hi, My Name is Jack by Christina Beall-Sullivan
- Sibling Slam Book by Don Meyer and David Gallagher
- The Perfect Shelter by Clare Helen Welsh
List adapted from Ryan's Case for Smiles
"If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever."
- Winnie the Pooh
